RP Class #1 ~ The Phantom

[The Phantom]

Welcome to your RP Class! I'm Maria, The Phantom, and I will be your RP Teacher.

Class Members:
- Andrew Patillio (Christine Daae)
- Alek Smith (redrose8)
- Daisy Evans (SamandErik)
- Giselle Deloncrae (LotteGirl)
- Emilie Andrews (TantomileDaae)
- Catarina McPhee (Rose Violin)

Please keep in mind all of the RPG Rules and Guidelines. This class is designed to help you perfect your RP skills. You must take this seriously. If you are signed up for a class and do not attempt improve, you will be removed from the class.

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Daniel Badeau

Daniel sat in the Opera House Garden's, reading a very interesting and provocative book under a large oak tree he had taken a liking to. He still wore his dark blue shirt and blue jeans which were dirty and a bit ragged. Birds were singing overhead and a gentle breeze was swiftly blowing through the trees. A gentle rustle could be heard as the wind made the leaves dance and sway in its midst. The wind picked up and blew the pages of Daniel’s book shut. Shoot… Oh well, I have been reading for a while now. He shut the novel and decided to read later that night.

The sun was beginning to set in the west bathing the garden in a pink hue. Daniel stood and stretched his arms into the air and pulling them over his head. Lowering them, he sighed and placed the book in his back pocket. It hung out of his dirt covered blue jeans.

Daniel chose to find a bench and lay down. He walked back onto the gravel path and plopped down onto the white cement bench. Flowers were carved onto the sides of the bench, protruding slightly. Daniel lay down and stared up at the darkening sky. Clouds were drifting across the wide blue which was increasingly changing to a dark purple.

OOC: To begin with, what I want you 6 to do is post anywhere in the opera house, but by the end of your post you must be either in the gardens or on your way. I want all of our characters to meet there.

Please follow all RP Rules and watch out for grammer and spelling. There is a Spell check you can click when posting.

Please only post one time and wait for everyone else. After everyone has posted once, I will grade them out of 10 and post comments on what to work on and how to improve.

Lastly, if you don't recieve a 10 on your first post don't be alarmed. The reason you are in this class is to improve your skills. BIC:

[littlelotte]

Andrew Patillio

Andrew sat on the piano bench and let his fingers rest on the keys. Then, his fingers began to move and he began to play Fur Elise, by Beethoven. His long, slender fingers flew across the keys as his body moved back and forth. So much emotion was coming out of his playing that he shook in every direction.

Suddenly, his watch beeped. As he looked down at the blue watch worn around his skinny left wrist, he saw the time: 7 PM. Better go outside for a bit.

The young man got up as he adjusted his white and red plaid top and his jeans. I look like a cowboy, he thought, criticizing his outfit.

He meandered outside for a bit, and watched the quickly setting sun. Sitting down on one of the numerous wooden benches, he observed as the sky morphed from light blue, to a deep shade of indigo, finally to a sharp purple. Sighing contently as he watched the beautiful descent of the sun, Andrew stood up quickly. Gently closing his eyes, he stepped forward. Bump. The raven haired boy had crashed into a bench, with another boy laying down on it.

“Oh my gosh!” the young man exclaimed hurriedly, “I am so sorry! That was a complete accident, I wasn’t paying attention, it’s all my fault. Are you all right?” Andrew waited for the young man to answer.

[SamandErik]

Daisy Evans

Long, golden hair flow over the bar as Daisy peaked her toes to either side, stretching her thin arms up to the ceiling and whispering quietly to herself, "Position number five. . . ." Lessons were about to end for Daisy and her fellow ballet girls, and Daisy could not have been happier. The young Brit loathed ballet in every way possible.

The ballet mistress had freed then from their cage. They were free to run and breathe for a while, and Daisy thought she must just take a walk through the gardens. The Paris weather was lovely and nothing like the weather of her birth place, London, and there was nothing that Daisy liked better then an evening stroll.

Daisy carefully pulled off her tights and suit, examining the room around her and quietly decided that Paris, France was the most beautiful place in the world. She had lived here in the opera house since she was eight-years-old, and yet it still amazed her just how breathtaking it was. Wow. . . . she thought, I really am lucky.

Feeling the nice fresh air fill her lungs and veins, Daisy sighed contentedly and let her clear blue eyes wander the gardens, finally falling upon two young men. One was lying down on a bench--Daisy was too far to make out his features--, while the other--a raven-haired boy in jeans--was apologizing to him. Daisy shook her head slowly, feeling her blonde hair spin across her head and land over her right eye. Then she stepped foreword, sticking her hands in her back pockets.

Miss Evans was dressed quite stylishly today. Over her plain white t-shirt she wore a red and blue jean jacket, one which she had owned many years ago, but still fit her today. Her skirt was short yet not too revealing--Daisy knew how French men were. The plaid boarding school-type skirt went just to Daisy's knees, and then she wore white tube socks and dark blue sneakers too go along. The outfit was quite a statement.

"Hallo," she hummed quietly, then her voice grew slightly louder. "Daisy Evans at your service." She gave the two boys a mock salute, then straightened and gave them a lopsided grin.

[La Sorelli]

Catarina McPhee

Catarina was at the at the Balcony sitting down quietly. She remembered that she had to go to the gardens. She ran out of the balcony headed to the gardens. On her way she almost slipped on the ground. She didn't fall though

Catarina entered the Opera Gardens quickly, and quietly. "Daisy Evans at your service." Catarina noticed three people she never knew. She walked over by the one girl, and two boys. "Hi" she said. Say more. she thought deeply. "I'm Catarina McPhee, but you can call me Cat." she said with a smile.

It's a beautiful day out here she thought at the back of head. Catarina sat at the bench, and began reading the book. I love gardens so much she thought.

This book is interesting she thought at the front of her head. She had never been to the Opera House. Catarina's dress was moving around so much that sometimes she couldn't see the book.

[SamandErik]

Daisy Evans

The blonde Brit could not help but smile when another young girl--a lovely looking brunette--strode into the gardens and introduced herself to the three of them, the two boys and she. Daisy smiled and waited for the girl to finish her introduction, then she would introduce herself.

"Hi," she said, "I'm Catarina McPhee, but you can call me Cat."

"'Lo, Cat. My name is Daisy Annemarie Evans, but you can call me. . . .well, you can me Daisy, actually." She chuckled a bit, then cleared her throat an continued, "Are you from Paris? I was born in London, but I was raised around her."

Folding her arms gently over her chest, Daisy sat down next to Catarina and waited for her reply anxiously. She so much loved having conversation, especially with other girls.

[TantomileDaae]

Emilie Andrews

Emilie was listening to her portable CD player in her dormroom. She looked at her watch, and realized it was time to head to the gardens. She rushed out of the dorm carrying her CD player in her right hand. "I hope out instructer doesn't mind me bringing this," she said to herself. She saw some people already at the gardens, and went over there to see them. "Hello everyone, I'm Emilie Andrews," she said in a friendly manner. She turned off her CD player and put it in her jacket pocket.

[The Phantom]

OOC: I'm going to give 2 more days for these people to post. Then we will move on, with or with out.

Alek Smith (redrose8)
Giselle Deloncrae (LotteGirl) BIC:

[The Phantom]

Sorry this is a little late everyone.

Since the other two people who signed up for this class haven’t replied by the time limit, we will continue.

One main topic I found in many of the posts was the question why. Why did your character go to the gardens? There should be some detail behind why your character went other than ‘I have to go so I went.’ Look out for have here. Yes, your character does have to end up in the garden at the end of the post, but your character does not know that it is in a class. lol

For example: your character wanted to go outside to get fresh air or, like mine, read a book under the shade of a tree.

Now onto individual grading:

Christine Daaé (Andrew Patillio)- Look out for how many times you use one specific word. That may sound a little weird, but in your first paragraph, you used fingers three times in four sentences. Also look out when using then. It just doesn’t sound right in some places. To make sure your post is well written, read it out loud to your self. If it flows when you read it, then it is well written. It all came together after the second paragraph. Why did he have to go outside? 8/10

SamandErik (Daisy Evans)- Your post was well written. There were a couple problems with agreement/spelling, but the posts were interesting. We, the readers, got to know your character a little better even though our characters didn’t. That’s irony. It’s what we do on the internet; plan out a characters life. Keep it up! 9/10

Rose Violin (Catarina McPhee)- Again, why did your character have to go to the gardens? Many of your sentences were simple. to make a post more interesting, combine sentences (compound sentences).

For example:

On her way she almost slipped on the ground. She didn't fall though.

Changed to: On her way, Catarina slipped on the ground and almost fell.

Do you almost slip or slip? You can slip without falling. Like with Christine Daae’s post, your paragraph lacks flow. Be sure to read it out loud before posting. Instead of Catarina noticed three people she never knew. use Catarina noticed three people she had never met.

What book is she reading? You said it was good, but what is it about? I know you’ll improve. 5/10

TantomileDaae (Emilie Andrews)- Last time: Why did your character have to go to the gardens? Maybe they didn’t have to, but they wanted to instead. Remember that just because you are in an RP Class doesn’t mean your character is in one. My character, Daniel, is not an instructor. He’s a 14 year old boy. Also make sure to include other things your character is doing. She couldn’t have gone from her dorm room to the gardens in a snap. 5/10
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Daniel Badeau

As Daniel lay on the white cement bench, suddenly, another young boy about his age crashed into him. “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! That was a complete accident, I wasn’t paying attention, it’s all my fault. Are you all right?” Daniel sat up quickly, hardly having caught any of what the boy had said. A little confused, he looked up at the figure in a plaid shirt.

“Yeah, I’m fine…” Daniel slowly said in his French accent, looking down at the dark green grass and grabbing onto the cold bench. The sun was now deep in the west and the sky was a dark purple glow. Looking out toward the Opera House doors, another young woman was walking toward them. She wore a blue and red jean jacket and plaid skirt. What’s with all the plaid?

"Hallo, Daisy Evans at your service." she said briskly in a British accent. The blonde haired girl smiled at them both but Daniel looked back at her indifferently, unsure of what to answer back. Daisy seemed extremely outgoing, but Daniel was introverted.

Another girl then approached them. She had brown hair and blue eyes like Daniel. "Hi. I'm Catarina McPhee, but you can call me Cat." Cat also had a British accent, but was shyer than Daisy.

Why are so many people out here? Daniel thought, a bit annoyed. He felt walled in. Catarina then sat at the opposite end of the bench and pulled out a book to read. Eyeing her suspiciously, Daniel looked back at the Opera House and yet again saw another girl coming.

She held a CD Player, the head phones still over her ears. "Hello everyone, I'm Emilie Andrews." she said, pulling them off and sticking the whole contraption into her jacket pocket. Daniel had never seen a CD Player except in a magazine once.

He wasn’t sure of how to go about this situation. Sitting among four other people who were all older looking than himself, Daniel slowly scratch his neck and said, “I’m Daniel Badeau…” He looked around the group who stood around him, feeling like an ant: small and intimidated. “It’s nice to meet you all…” he added, nervously and not sure that he entirely meant it.

OOC:Just start talking. Have your characters get to know each other a little. BIC:

[La Sorelli]

Catarina McPhee

"'Lo, Cat. My name is Daisy Annemarie Evans, but you can call me. . . .well, you can me Daisy, actually." "Hi, Daisy. It's nice to meet you." Catarina said as she continued reading Phantom of The Opera. "Hello everyone, I'm Emilie Andrews." "Hi, Emilie, I'm Catarina McPhee. You can call me Cat though." Catarina said with a bigger smile. “I’m Daniel Badeau…” "Hi, Daniel. I'm Catarina McPhee, but you can call me Cat." she said.

Ok maybe I shouldn't be talking too much. she thought at the back of her head. Catarina put the book away so she could talk to the around her.

“It’s nice to meet you all…” "It's nice to meet you too, Daniel." she said. I did got to the gardens to talk to people, and get some fresh air, so I should talk more. she thought.

[SamandErik]

Daisy Evans

Daisy raised one eyebrow as the young man, Daniel, replied to the small group, “I’m Daniel Badeau…It’s nice to meet you all…” He seemed like a loner, he wanted to be on his own and that was fine with her. If he feels uncomfortable about talking to people, he shouldn't have to.


Twisting her blonde-haired head back to Catarina, Daisy smiled and said, "So Cat, you're British, aren't you?" She put on hand in her lap, then ran down her legs wear the white tube socks began. "I can tell by you're accent. I was born in London, what about you?"

She then noticed the title of the book Catarina was reading. The Phantom of the Opera, the cover read, and it surprised Daisy a great deal. Blue eyes filled with curiosity as Daisy gently asked Catarina, "Is that book good so far? I've seen the movie, an I've always wanted to see the broadway show, but I never knew that it was a book as well."

She slipped a finger through her long hair, then smiled at the young girl and waitd for her to speak again.

[TantomileDaae]

OOC: It was her usuall time to go into the gardens for a walk. I think I goofed up on my last post here. I'll correct it here.

Emilie Andrews was listening to her portable CD player in her room. She looked at her watch, and opened the window in her dormroom, and decided to go out for a breath of freash air. She decided to take a walk through the gardens. It was a beautiful day for a walk. She soon met up with some new faces she didn't know and walked up to interduce herself. "Hello everyone, I'm Emilie Andrews.'


"Hi, Emilie, I'm Catarina McPhee. You can call me Cat though."

"Pleased to meet you, Cat," said Emilie with a smile and her hand extended in friendship. "Have you been here long?" She asked.

“I’m Daniel Badeau…It’s nice to meet you all…” He seemed like a loner, he wanted to be on his own and that was fine with her. If he feels uncomfortable about talking to people, he shouldn't have to.

"Hello Daniel," she said after she shook Cat's hand.

[The Phantom]

Again, I’m sorry this late. I was waiting for CD, but seeing as she is leaving us, sadly, we’ll continue with the four of us.

SamandErik (Daisy Evans)- Good job! Again, very good, just a couple spelling mistakes. I don’t have much to say, but keep it up. 9/10

La Sorelli (Catarina McPhee)- There were a few spelling mistakes, but not many. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this ‘rule’. My teachers have drilled it into my head so here it is: When a new person talks in a story, you are supposed to start a new paragraph. I admit, sometimes I don’t like that rule. But in your post every persons words are almost strung together so that you don’t know who’s talking. Try writing something about the character who said what in that characters paragraph. For example, how did they say it, what did they sound like, or what were they doing when they said it. 5/10

TantomileDaae (Emilie Andrews)- Just a few spelling mistakes. Coming to the gardens was better, but still a bit quick. Try not to quote what someone is thinking. Your character isn’t telepathic. lol A little more description would be good too. 5/10
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OOC:Will edit with reply.BIC:

[TantomileDaae]

OOC: I'll try to think of something else to write.